Lost Dreams
by AngelicEyes21
Summary: OneShot. Sometimes in order to move on you have to accept the things as they are. RyanMarissa. VolchokMarissa. PostSeason3


**Lost Dreams**

"_Do you Ryan Atwood take Marissa to be your wife – to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?" _

"_I will."_

"_Do you Marissa Cooper take Ryan to be your husband – to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?"_

"_I will."_

"_And so, by the power vested in me by the State of California and Almighty God, I now pronounce you man and wife – and may your days be good and long upon the earth.  
You may now kiss the bride."_

"Ryan… Ryan… RYAN!"

"What?"

"You were daydreaming, you were really off."

"Yeah. Sorry, honey."

"It's okay, I was asking what you thought of Brenda."

"Who's Brenda?"

"I mean as a name for our baby. Gosh, Ryan."

"We don't know the gender yet."

"Well if it's a boy we'll name him Ryan Jr."

"I always hated when people name their son after themselves, I mean, you wouldn't name the baby Lorraine Jr., now would you?"

Ryan looked at him wife of 6 months, he never thought he would wind up marrying someone so… how do you say it…boring. Lorraine was the kind of women whose idea of adventure was going on a road trip to her mother's who lived about 35 miles away. They met at one of Kirsten's party a few years back. Ryan was just out of college and was staying with them till he found himself a new apartment. It wasn't love at first sight, they talked a bit but began dating months later when Ryan found himself in some problem. Now almost five years later he was picking baby names for their first born, 6 months before he or she was supposed to be born.

"You've been crabby this whole week, what's going on?"

"Nothing, I just don't want to do this thing now. Can't it wait? I'm having dinner with Seth and Summer."

"I wasn't invited?"

"You were but I already told them you wouldn't be able to make it."

"What if I wanted to go?"

"Lor, you and I both know you hate my friends. I mean why would you want to be friends with someone who writes comics or a working mom? I mean I don't mind you staying at home and everything. But there are people who actually like working."

"She doesn't even work. All she does is give advice to women on how to dress."

"And she likes doing it. At least she doesn't get bored and begins to pick a name for her baby when she's three months pregnant."

"Oh."

"Lor…"

"Go have fun with your fun friends and let you're boring wife continue doing her boring stuff."

"Lorraine, I didn't mean it that way."

"Just go Ryan."

"I'm sorry." But Lorraine had already left the room. Ryan knew he wasn't being the nicest person but it's like this every year for 8 years now. When this time comes around he sinks in depression for about two weeks, tells everybody off and just is plain groggy. Most people know why, but he hasn't told Lorraine why and he wasn't about to tell her either. Without it being his intention he started walking towards Newport's Cemetery. Yes, it's been 8 years since Marissa died but he still couldn't get over it. He thought once he seeks revenge on Volchok he could let it go. But obviously he was wrong. He reached the part where Marissa's grave was but found a crunched person there, he was talking to the grave. Ryan was about to turn when he recognized the voice.

"… I'd go surfing while you take care of the little ones. Off course you would've organize the parties too. Invite all…"

Ryan couldn't believe that he actually showed his face here. Ryan was so angry.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Ryan, Ryan, I was just leaving." Volchok said.

"You have no right being here." Ryan responded. He now looked at Volchok and saw tears in his eyes. Ryan saw how sad he looked. Ryan realized then that's how he looked. He didn't know what came over him but he started to feel sorry for Volchok.

"You really loved her, didn't you?" He asked Volchok, who was walking away.

Volchok was surprised to say the least, he turned back. "Yeah, I really did and still do. I know you do too. I'm really sorry Ryan. Believe me, I didn't mean for that to happen and afterwards I was so angry at myself."

"Why'd you do it?" Ryan realized he never asked him, he didn't even talk to him. When he found him he just began hitting him, over and over. If he wasn't pulled of him he would've probably killed him.

"I don't know, I was drunk and I guess I thought that if I couldn't have her nobody can. But I was drunk and it was totally my fault."

"It was, but it's 8 years later and you should move on."

"I have, I quit drinking and smoking pot a long time ago. I'm married even but I guess she was the love of my life. Because my wife and no other women actually can even be half the woman she was."

"The same with me."

Volchok couldn't believe he was talking about Marissa to Ryan. He never talked to anyone about her. He visited her grave often, at those times he would just talk to her and talk about the life they would have if they were together and she wasn't dead. Volchok remembered the first time he got the courage to come here. It was about one year after her death and he didn't really know how to act. So he began about where they would go on the dates if she was still here. Every time he continued where he left of, eventually they got married and had children, bought new houses and cars. He knew it wasn't healthy to dream like that but he couldn't help himself. Sometimes he would be drinking coffee and act like she's there with him and they're talking in his mind. When he goes to sleep at night he imagines his wife as her. That's the only reason why he's still married. Because he imagines his wife as Marissa and their children as the children he had with Marissa. He was suicidal the first year after her death but after he began talking to her and imagine her he found new strength.

He didn't know why but he began telling the stuff to Ryan.

Ryan was listening to Volchok and was relating to everything he said. He didn't know that Volchok loved her that much. After Volchok was done he started talking about how in his dreams he could see him marrying Marissa and having children with her. About how he just starts thinking about her in the middle of the day.

They listened to each other and just understood each other. Ryan tried talking to Summer because she was Marissa's best friend but it wasn't the same. Sure Summer loved Marissa a lot and missed her but she didn't love her as Ryan did and didn't miss her a much as Ryan did. Volchok did. They talked about their times with Marissa, good and bad. They had a few laughs and a few sad moments.

It wasn't until it was totally dark that they realized how late it already was and that they had other places to be.

"Ryan, I'm glad we talked, before I felt as if I couldn't talk to anybody. And I'm truly sorry."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Stop blaming yourself, let the guilt go. It isn't doing anyone any good."

"I'll try. Goodbye Ryan."

"Goodbye."

They were both walking away and they were the happiest they've ever been in the last 8 years. Relieved mostly, they been carrying a burden. They never realized that all they needed to do was talk. They'll never forget Marissa but they won't stay hooked on her. It was their final goodbye to Marissa. No more trips to the graveyard, no more thinking that she was still here and no more dreaming that they were married to her because those were just dreams. They both knew that the dreams weren't coming true but they accepted that and were ready to start living their lives again.

_ The End _


End file.
